In regards to moonlighting as The Stills 3rd guitarist...
I feel the need to preface this by saying I have absolutely no musical talent whatsoever. Ben and I tried recording some demos of our original songs (“My Zombie Suicide Note”…featuring the classic line “Don’t Eat My Brains Like Ray Liotta”), and my shocking inability to play instuments ranging from harmonica to “Phoenix Suns Notebook” rendered our studio time useless.
With that being said, last month I was *KIND OF* in the band The Stills. By “in The Stills” I mean I bamboozled an unsuspecting group of concert goers.
Ben and I had somehow weaseled our way onto the side of the stage after The Stills played and before Spoon’s set. As a result, legions of girls who were only just arriving saw our “indie rock garb” and assumed we were in The Stills waiting for Spoon to take the stage. Because indie rock girls are extremely sycophantic by nature, they made it a point to tell me how much they loved my “set”. Initially I felt the need to set the record straight which had the undesired effect of said girls rapidly losing interest in my witty banter. It tends to happen.
However, when the 5th person in 10 minutes lauded my musical virtuosity I just decided to run with it. Anyone that complimented me was greeted with a 10 minute longglorified mission statement about how being in a rock band wasn’t as easy as it seemed. My shpeel went something like this…
Faceless Music Fan: Hey man, you guys were great. I really loved that set, especially the last one.
Me: Well, you know, we’ve been doing this for several years now. I sincerely appreciate the compliment…we put in a lot of time to make sure we really hone in on the sound playing in our heads. A lot of people assume that being in a touring rock band is just one long stream of booze filled nights of debaucherous glory, but it really takes its toll. I mean, our bus is kind of a ramschackle piece of machinery that we’ve affectionately named “Gloria”…ha ha ha…but you learn to hate it. It’s just really taxing after a while, but when people like you respond so passionately it really makes it all worthwhile. (Dramatic Pause)…So buy our record.
Towards the end of the night people were coming up to me and handing me notes to give to Spoon frontman Britt Daniel. I told them I’d oblige them if I could find the time.
In summary, I’m an asshole.
